Fun Facts. Well, Fact. More at eleven.

Been watching Ally McBeal. Not a fabulous show, but one that makes me think about some things.

Fact: Acknowledging that you have a prejudice is not the same as not having a prejudice.

It's not okay to hate someone for what they are, saying "I know that what I'm doing to you is wrong, I know that whatever experiences I have in my past that make me hate you don't excuse the hatred of you that I am expressing, but I am not going to stop hating you".

Caveat: if you had a bad experience with a transgendered person in your youth, and you are uncomfortable around them, THAT IS OKAY. Your life experiences are your own, and you have every right to them. The problem occurs when you attempt to use your life experiences to deny the legitimacy of someone else's.

RIGHT: I'm sorry, I can't date you because you have a penis. When I was young, I dated a man that I thought was a woman, and lost all of my friends and ended up moving to a different state to escape.

WRONG: You have a penis? Why didn't you tell me, whore! All you bitches do is go around looking for unobservant men to fool into getting fucked over - LITERALLY!

Is it fair to expect everyone to communicate solely in the upper levels of Bloom's Taxonomy, never using exclamation marks and pausing to compose rational replies to every provocation? Perhaps not. It is, however, right and good to use language that does not demean, deny, or denigrate.

What if we apply this to the perhaps-more-common (citation needed) mistaken-for-gay event? Gay man (let's say, Rory) asks a straight man (oh, why not Daniel) out on a date. Let's presume they're acquaintances, probably facebook friends, share a few classes, but not hang-out-in-each-other's-house friends. Daniel will say no, because that's how being straight works. Obviously, this is fine, and Rory should have been prepared for that (though Lord knows it hurts anyway). But do we expect the relationship to stay exactly as is?

I don't think it's wrong for Daniel to be uncomfortable around Rory. I don't think it's wrong for Daniel to let the friendship, such as it is, stagnate. What is wrong is calling Rory a faggot, telling everyone Daniel knows that "can you believe that faggot thought I was a fairy like him?". The difference here lies in the actions. Daniel pulling away from Rory might hurt Rory a little bit, it's true, but it doesn't demean him, and it doesn't tell him that what he is is wrong. It just says that Daniel isn't attracted, and probably doesn't want to be hit on again. Perfectly normal feelings.

This is where I, personally, run into a lot of problems when I discuss topics like this. I often encounter people who, based on my understanding of their remarks, think that straight/cissexual/"normal" people should be forced to endure every GLBTQ individual at full volume. I know that tolerance != acceptance != embracing, and I'm not trying to argue that. I am saying that if I met someone who had an incredibly annoying voice, I would not want to hang out with that person. It's not their fault they have an annoying voice. They probably have wonderful insights and valuable contributions to society. But I'm going to avoid that person. And I am not wrong for wanting to do that.

So am I saying it's okay to hate, as long as you hate quietly? It's okay to hate as long as no one gets hurt? Those are conclusions that can be drawn from this rant, yes. I don't like them, but they're there. Part of the reason I wrote this out is to articulate what I feel so that I can evaluate it, and I'm not 100% happy with the things I've written. If I had to boil down what I want this treatise to say, it would be: Loving everyone and liking everyone are not the same, and that is not wrong.

I'd love to hear feedback. I think my running total of comments on this blog is 0. CHANGE THAT!